iNeed Guy Friends
by Lovin'Seddie
Summary: Freddie has been BFF's with Sam and Carly for as long as he can remember. However, he's getting sick of the "girl talk" and trips to Build-A-Bra. Now he's on the look out for some guy friends. But is what he wants right in front of him? Eventual Seddie!
1. Girl Talk

**WHOA! Another story? I'm on a roll!**

**I came up with this idea after watching iFence. **

**DISCLAIMER: Own iCarly I do not.**

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**Chapter 1: Freddie's POV**

I open the Shay's apartment door as fast as I can, for my insane mother is chasing me with her ear vacuum.

Right before mom gets in I slam the door, not forgetting to lock it and put the chain in the lock for extra protection.

"FREDWARD BENSON! I will wait out here all day if I have to!"

I roll my eyes and stroll into the apartment.

"Freddo! Good to see ya," Spencer says, looking up from his sculpture.

"Hey, Spence. Whatcha' makin'?"

"Oh, just the BEST SCULPTURE EVER! The Pear Store at the Seattle Mall asked me to sculpt their latest and greatest invention! They're paying me 1,000 bucks!" He exclaimed giddily.

"Cool! Can I see it?" I ask with interest. The Pear Store is my favorite store ever!

"No can do. It's a secret," He whispers.

I sigh, disappointed. "Where's Carly and Sam?"

"They're up in the iCarly studio."

I walk up the stairs and go down the hall that leads to the iCarly studio. I get to the glass door and see Carly and Sam sitting on the beanbags, deep in conversation.

I open the door and make my entrance. "Hello, ladies."

They both turn around, startled. "Oh, hi Freddie." Carly says.

"Frednub." Sam states blankly. Carly give her a sharp glance.

"What are you guys doing?" I question, sitting on the beanbag between them.

"Uh, nothing!" They both say quickly. Sam looks at Carly and lightly kicks her beanbag with her famous "don't tell!" look.

Hm, that's strange. Are they hiding something?

"C'mon, what were you talking about?" I press.

"None, of your business, Fredlump!" Sam says. I make a face at her.

"Oh, just… some girl talk." Carly simply states.

Oh. OH! That's why they won't tell me…. Awkward.

"Carls, you ready to go now?" Sam asks her.

Carly turns to me. "Yup. Freddie, we're going to the mall, you wanna come?"

"Sure! What store?"

"Build-A-Bra and Gloss My Lips." They both say.

EW! There's no way I'm going to Build-A-Bra… wait. That place will be crawling with hot girls, trying on bras. Maybe even Sam and Carly will try some on… not that Carly has anything to fill a bra with, though. What? I'm a teenage boy, I can't help but notice these things!

And Gloss My Lips? I don't see why Sam would wanna go there. It's such a girly store.

In fact, I can't see Sam going to either store. I thought this girly stuff made her wanna puke. Maybe Carly talked her into it?

"I guess," I said finally.

They both looked at me in surprise. What? The chance of seeing hot girls in bras and Sam cringing in a girly store were making me wanna go. Ok, ok, and the chance of seeing Sam in a bra too. It's hard to deny that she's got major curves!

We made our way downstairs and Carly asked Spencer to drive us.

"Freddie's going to Build-A-Bra? Niiiice!" He gave me a high five and told me to keep an eye out for hot girls his age.

We made sure to go out the back door, for my crazy mother was still waiting outside the front door.

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When we finally arrived, I looked around Build-A-Bra in amazement. This place was completely filled with bras and hot girls, a guys dream come true!

"Like, what you see, Fredward?" Sam asked, snickering. I glared at her before walking in.

I learned that the process of building a bra is a long one. First, you had to choose a pattern. Sam chose a rainbow cheetah and Carly chose a peach one that she called "nude". She told me that it was the only bra that you can't see under white shirts. Because I _really _need to know that.

Then, they had to choose if they wanted strapless, straps, or racerback. Both chose straps.

Next, they had to choose their size. To my dismay, they made me look away for that. Sam while I had my back to them, Sam put a thong on my head. Apparently they sold more than just bras here…

After that, they had to choose of they want a push-up, extra padded, demi, or full cupped bra. Whatever that meant… But Sam ended up choosing a demi cup while Carly, not surprisingly, chose an extra padded to give her more "umph".

And finally they had to try it on. This was the part that I have been waiting for!

"Well, I guess that you can just wait out here, Freddie. C'mon Sam, let's go to the dressing rooms to try them on." Carly said.

They have dressing rooms? Well that's disappointing. No wonder half-naked girls weren't walking around…

"Hey! What are you doing in here?" Some lady asked me. She had a tag on that said "manager". Uh oh.

"Uh, well-"

"Boys are only allowed in here on Bring Your Boyfriend day, where you can help your girlfriend pick out lingerie. But today isn't that day. So get outside, pal!"

I sighed and left the dream land for boys. I sat down on a bench and texted Sam to tell her that I was waiting for them outside.

They finally came out about 20 minutes later, with Sam holding 2 bags filled to the brim and Carly carrying one bag.

"What, did you buy the whole store?" I teased Sam.

She kicked me. "No!" Carly gave her another sharp glance and she sighed.

"I'm surprised that you haven't asked me to carry the bag yet." I smirk.

"Well, maybe I don't want you to carry these bags!" She snapped.

"How about we go to Gloss My Lips now?" Carly intervened, trying to stop an upcoming fight.

Gloss My Lips was no more fun than Build-A-Bra was. I had to follow the girls as they went from station to station, trying to decide if they wanted their lipgloss to be in a tube with a wand or not, what flavor they wanted, and if they wanted sparkles or not.

Carly got a tube with sparkly cotton candy flavored lip gloss, while Sam got a tube with strawberry flavored lip gloss.

In the midst of all this, I decided to wait outside. This trip isn't as fun as I thought it would be.

Oh, who am I kidding? This always happens. I love Carly and Sam, they're my best friends in the world, but I'm sick of doing all this girly stuff with them.

I've spent my whole life being raised by a women and having to girl best friends, no wonder I feel messed up! I need some guy time.

And I can tell that Sam and Carly want some girl time to themselves. Like today, when they were having their "girl talk" in the iCarly studio. I need someone to "guy talk" with.

But who?

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**A/N: Poor Freddie, being subjected to all those bras…**

**Anyways, I hope you like it! **

**Reviews make me wanna update faster!**


	2. No Shirt Twister

**You guys are AWESOME SAUCE! I can't believe how much feedback I got on the first chapter…**

**15 reviews, 10 favorites, and 14 alerts! Keep em' coming!**

**Because of all that, I'm updating! (And because almost all of you told me to update, LOL!)**

**Hope this doesn't disappoint!**

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**DISCLAIMER: Would I even need this if I owned iCarly?**

**Chapter 2: Freddie's POV**

I sat in my bed, scrolling through my contacts list, trying to find somebody to hang out with. Preferably a _guy._

By the time I scrolled all the way down to T, I was losing hope. But then I saw _The Gibster_.

Gibby! Why hadn't I thought of that before? We were already "bros", so this could be easy!

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**To: The Gibster**

**Hey! Do u wanna hang out today?**

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_**To: Fredward Benson**_

_**Yeah! But my mom said that it has to be at our house.**_

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**To: The Gibster**

**Alright? I'll be over in half an hour.**

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I smiled to myself and hopped out of bed. I'm just hoping that Gibby won't be as weird as usual… but even if he acts weird, I won't care as long as we're doing guy things. Whatever 'doing guy things' means.

I managed to sneak out of the apartment and walk to Gibby's house without mom noticing. I'm like a ninja! As I was walking downtown, past the Groovy Smoothie, I jumped in midair and did a karate chop to prove my ninja-ness, only to fall flat on my face.

Groaning, I got up, met by the sound of laughter.

"Nice going, Fredfail. To bad your mommy wasn't here to help you up!"

I look up to see none other than Sam Puckett, jumbo smoothie in hand, smirking at me.

"Shut up, Puckett!"

"You're not going the right way," She says.

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, you're not walking towards Bushwell Plaza. Where are you going, to the drug store to buy more ointment?" She laughs.

"Ha ha, very funny," I say dryly. "I'm actually going to another friends house, not Carly's apartment."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Since when do you have other friends?"

"Since… forever! And this friend's a _guy. _And we'll be doing _guy _things. Yeah."

She makes a face. "Well, okay then. Have fun doing your _guy _things; like masturbating to naked pictures of Miley Cyrus." And with that, she starts walking towards Bushwell Plaza.

"I will-wait! We aren't gonna masturbate to pictures of Miley Cyrus naked!" I scream down the street.

I feel a hundred pairs of eyes staring at me. I guess I shouldn't have yelled that down the street…

Sam turns around to smirk at me one last time. That girl drives me crazy sometimes… but that smirk _is _pretty hot.

_Stupid boy hormones! _I think as I continue on to Gibby's house.

Ten minutes later I finally get there. As I ring the doorbell, I can't help but feel a little nervous. This is the first time that I'll be at Gibby's house. Who knows what kind of crazy stuff goes on here.

The door opens to reveal Gibby's mom. "Hello, Freddie!" She greets. "Come on in, Gibby's down in the basement. I'll make you two a snack."

"Okay, thanks!" I smile. Maybe this won't be so bad after all!

However, that thought changes as soon as I step foot in the basement.

Gibby was doing the complete dance to the _Hoedown Throwdown _from Hannah Montana: The Movie.

As if that wasn't bad enough, the song just _had _to be a Miley Cyrus song. Of course.

"Hey, Freddie!" Gibby yells over the music. "Wanna do the Hoedown Throwdown with me? Even if you don't know the dance, I can teach you! I know the whole thing!"

"I'm good…" I say uneasily.

Gibby goes to his boom box and turns it off.

"So what do you wanna do?"

"Uh, I don't know." _Maybe we should do something that GUYS do? Like NOT dancing to Miley Cyrus! _I scream in my head.

"I know!" Gibby cries. He goes over to a closet and pulls out some board game. "Let's play shirtless Twister!"

He throws the box on the floor, takes his shirt off, and starts to set up.

"Um, Gibby? I don't really wanna take my shirt off…"

"Why not? No Shirt Twister is the bomb! Wait… are you not comfortable with your body?" Gibby asks.

"What? No! I happen to be very comfortable with my body!" I defend.

Gibby shrugs. "Okay. Then take your shirt off, dude! Let's get playing!"

I sigh and pull my polo over my head.

"Whoa, dude! Since when did you get ripped?" Gibby asks, pointing at my growing biceps.

I blushed. "Uh, um, well-"

"I get it, man. You've been working out for a certain lady." Gibby waggled his tongue out. "Let's start playing!" What is he talking about?

So for the next five minutes I sat on the couch, spinning the wheel to see what Gibby would have to do next.

"Alright… left foot on green." I tell him. Gibby, who was currently twisted like a pretzel, attempts to put his left foot on the green bubble, but falls.

"Your turn, Freddie!" I inwardly groan.

"Kids, I made chocolate covered strawberries with whipped cream!" Gibby's mother calls down into the basement.

Yes! Saved by Gibby's mom!

I quickly threw my shirt back on and ran up the stairs.

It felt weird eating in Gibby's kitchen. For one thing, there were pictures of Michael Jackson all over the place. There was even a poster that said "Life is short, eat cookies!"

At least the strawberries tasted good.

Ten minutes later we finished off the whole plate.

"Wanna come up to my room?" Gibby asks.

By then I knew that it would be better to just leave, but I didn't wanna hurt his feelings…

"Sure," Slipped out of my mouth.

We make our way upstairs, and in the hallway I hear music.

"Where's that music coming from?" I ask Gibby.

"I think it's coming from Guppy's room. Let's go check it out!"

We walk down the hallway to Guppy's room, only to find him watching an aerobics video and trying to do all the moves.

"Hey, Gup!" Gibby yells. "You're awesome at aerobics!"

Guppy looks at us and says, "Happy birthday!"

I'm pretty sure that it isn't Gibby's birthday…

Gibby turns to me. "Do you wanna join him?"

"No! Came we just go to your room now?" I beg. Hopefully he'll have guy video games or something.

"Alrighty."

We go to the other end of the hallway and walk into a room.

I've never been in Gibby's room before, and now I can see why. The walls are neon orange and covered in pictures that I'm guessing he drew. Most were self portraits of him without a shirt on, with captions like "I'm too sexy for my shirt!"

His bed had orange sheets that matched the color of the walls, and it looked like there was a lump underneath it. Probably just some stuffed animals.

"Wanna play a video game?" Gibby questions.

Yes! Finally, something that guys do! "Sure! What game? Call of Duty? World of Warlords? Zombie Madness? March of Death?"

Gibby opens the cabinet under his TV set and pulls out two Wii remotes. "I was thinking more along the line of MarioKart…" My excitement melted. Can Wii games even be considered video games?

While Gibby was setting the Wii up, I slumped down onto his bed. "UMPH!" Something cried from underneath the sheets.

"AHH!" I screamed, jumping off the bed. "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?"

Gibby tip-toes to his bed and pulls back the sheets. "Grandpa?" He sighs. "I told you to stop sleeping in my bed! You have your own room!"

His grandfather groggily sat up and rubbed his head. "Eh? I fight for seven years in the war and I can't even sleep wherever I want!" He grumbles.

"Grandpa, get out before I tell on you!" Gibby yells.

"Eh? What's a Lady GaGa?"

Guppy runs into the room. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

That's it! THESE PEOPLE ARE NUT JOBS! I run out of his room and sprint down the stairs to safety.

This "guy friends" thing is gonna be harder than I thought…

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**A/N: I'm putting Freddie through a lot of crap in this story… LOL! Don't worry, his luck will change.**

**Did you have a favorite part? Did any line make you laugh? My favorite part was when Gibby's grandpa was hiding under the covers. My favorite line was "I was thinking more along the lines of MarioKart…" **

**BTW: There's a poll on my profile, I'd really appreciate it if you voted!**

**You guys gave me 15 reviews, I updated the next day. So review, it really does make me update faster! **


	3. Football Nerds

**Sooo sorry for not updating! Track just started and it's every friggin' day, so I've been sore for the past couple of days. :(**

**Anyways, thanks for all the awesome reviews!**

**DISCALIMER: If you think that I own iCarly, please visit your local doctor. You may suffer an extreme case of stupidity. **

**Chapter 3: Freddie's POV**

I run into Bushwell Plaza and stop for breath in the lobby. Phew! I'm finally safe from Gibby…

But something seems off. I look around and notice that Lewburt wasn't sitting at the main desk. I silently thank God, whoops, I meant _Gosh_, and run to the elevator before he comes back and yells at me for 'sweating up his lobby'.

When I finally reach my apartment I sigh in relief. Mom's sitting on the couch knitting a sweater and watching one of those cheesy soap operas that Carly loves.

"Hi, mom…" I say uneasily. Will she be mad that I snuck out?

She turns to me and smiles. "Hello there, Freddie. Look, I'm knitting a new sweater for your cousin Stephanie. It's almost her first birthday, can you believe it?"

Whoa whoa whoa. Something weird's going on… every time I come home; she always pats me down and gives me multiple baths of sorts to make sure that I don't have pesticides on me. Why is she so _calm?_

"Uhh…" I can't think of anything to say, so I just run down the hall to my room before she turns back into crazy mode.  
When I reach my room and lock the door, I notice my laptop screen flashing. I walk over and see that I have a new e-mail.

**Hey everybody! Just wanted to remind you all that we have a meeting Monday after school in room 239. Don't forget to bring your editing bays!**

Oh yeah, I have an AV Club meeting on Monday. I totally forgot!

Wait a second…Av Club! I have lots of friends there, I should hang out with one of them!

I looked at my clock and saw that it was only noon. I could still hang out with some people.

So I sat there for the next half hour, calling Phil, Edwin, and everybody else from the AV Club, but no one answered. I was just about to give up when I saw one last name under the AV group in my contacts: Jeremy, AKA Germy, Johnson. I hesitated a bit before hitting call. Germy was, well, _germy._ What if mom got mad?

But mom was acting un-momish today… ah screw it, I'm calling him!

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jeremy! It's Freddie!"

I hear him sneeze and I wince. "Oh, hey Freddie! *sniff* What's up?" He asks.

"Uh, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today. Maybe we could throw a football around in the park?" Football seems like a tuff and manly sport, right?

"Well, I'm allergic to grass *sniff* but I guess I could… I could… I… A-CHOOOOOO!" He bellowed.

I winced again and took the phone off my ear, as if the snot could come from his phone to mine.

Before I could reply, he started sneezing uncontrollably. "I'll A-CHOOOOO meet you there *sniff* in half an hour… A-CHOOOO!" The line went dead.

Well, this should be interesting.

I walked out of my room and found mom still knitting that sweater in front of the TV. Strange…

"Uh, mom? Can I go to the park?"

She looked up and smiled. "Sure! Why don't you invite one of your lovely friends along?"

She _hates_ my friends. "I'm meeting Jeremy from the AV Club there… we're gonna throw a football around."

I waited for her to scold me about the dangers of football, but none came. "How nice! Do you have a football?"

Shoot, I didn't think of that. And I bet that Germy doesn't have one either… "No, and I don't think Jeremy has one."

"Well why don't you knock on the Shay's door? Maybe Spencer has a football that you can borrow."

"Uh, ok… I'll be back by 2."

As I walk across the hall to the Shay's, I can't help but smile. This new personality that mom suddenly picked up is great… but I wonder how long it'll last.

I knock on the Shay's door and Carly greets me. "Hey, Freddie!" She motions for me to come in.

As I stroll through the front door, I notice Sam sitting on the couch eating a bowl of popcorn. Typical.

"What's up?" Carly asks.

"I was just wondering if Spencer has a football that I can borrow."

"Oh yeah, he still has that one that he used when he wanted to be a professional football player… I'll go get it." Carly gave Sam a hard look before running up the stairs. What was that about?

"So, _you're_ playing football?" Sam scoffs. "With who, your new guy BFF?"

"No! I'm playing with…" Wait. If I tell her that I'm playing with Germy, she'll think that I'm an even bigger loser. "…another guy friend." I inform her.

She raises her eyebrows. "Oh really? Do you even know how to play football?"

I pause. "No… but we're just throwing the ball around."

"Well, I know how to play, maybe I could-"

"Here's the football!" Carly interrupts, running down the stairs. I look at Sam to ask her what she was saying, but she was glaring at Carly.

"Uh, thanks… I'll see you guys later." I grab the football and run out of the apartment. Jeez, girls are so weird!

As I shut the door, I hear Carly scream, "WHAT? DANG IT! I'M SOO SORRY! GAH!" Like I said. Girls are _weird._

Good thing I'm going to hang out with a guy… but I have a feeling that it won't turn out well.

**A/N: Sorry to leave it there, I had like no time to write this. **

**Anyways, what's up with Mrs. Benson? And Carly? And Sam? WHY IS EVERYBODY ACTING SO STRANGE? Only I know ;)**

**I'll give you a virtual cupcake if you review!**


	4. One New Text

**Who's excited for iOMG? I know I am! :D Let's make it the most watched iCarly ever!**

**DISCLAIMER: Je ne own pas iCarly.**

**Chapter 4: Freddie's POV**

When I finally arrived at the park, I saw Jeremy sitting on a bench sneezing. Oh boy.

"Hey, Jeremy!" I call.

He looks up and smiles at me. "Hey *sniff* Freddie! I see you brought a… a… a… ACHOOOOO football."

"Uh… yeah… ready to play?" I asked uneasily.

"Yup, let me just put my nasal plugs in first." Uh-oh. Sam told me that when he replaced me for a little while he used those and one shot onto her face. Poor Sam… I hope that doesn't happen to me!

After Germy inserted his nasal plugs, we found an open area on the grass and I threw the ball at him.

"AAHHH!" He screamed, ducking as the ball came near him.

I sighed. "Jeremy, you're supposed to _catch _the ball!"

"Oh," He laughed.

As he walked over to the spot where the football landed, he tripped on a twig and flew into the grass.

I ran over and helped him up. "Are you okay?" I asked, panicked.

He sniffed. "Yeah, but I think that my nose plug fell out…" Aw, butter!

Germy got onto his knees and started to feel around the grass for his snotty nose plug. He whipped his runny nose on his hand, then immediately sneezed.

"Uh-oh, I think that I ACHOOOOO got a piece of grass up my nose!" He cried. All of a sudden he started sneezing uncontrollably.

"ACHOOOO! ACHOOOOOOO! ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He stood up from the ground. "I *sniff* have to go home… ACHOOO!" And with that, he ran out of the park.

Well that's just great! We didn't even get to play football! I went over to wear the ball landed and picked it up. Wait, what's this thing on the side of it…? OH, GROSS! IT'S GERMY'S NOSE PLUG!

"Hey, Freddo! Fancy seeing you here!" I turned around and saw Spencer standing there, a garbage bag in hand.

"Oh, hey Spencer."

He looked down and noticed the football in my hand. "Hey, is that my football?"

"Yeah, Carly let me borrow it. I came here with a friend to play football, but it didn't turn out to well." I sighed. "Here, you can have it back," I shoved it in his hand, eager to get rid of the nasal plug on it.

"Thanks," Spencer put the football in his garbage bag. He noticed my expression. "What's the matter?"

Might as well tell him, maybe I could get some advice. So I spent the next five minutes explaining how I wanted more guy friends because of Carly and Sam's unusual behavior and girl talk.

He nodded. "Yeah, I noticed that they've been a lot more secretive lately. You know, I saw them typing something in the computer, I think that it was a word document, but when I got close they closed the window. I could try to find it," Spencer offered.

My eyes lit up. "Really? Thanks, Spence!"

"And you said that you wanted more guy friends, so why don't you just come hang out with me? I'm going to this awesome place full of hot chicks… wanna come?"

Of course! Why hadn't I thought of hanging out with Spencer before? He's practically my older brother!

I nodded enthusiastically. "Follow me then!" Spencer started walking down towards the street, and I happily followed him.

Ten minutes later, we arrived at the Seattle Junk Yard. "Um, why are we at the junk yard?"

"This is the place I was talking about!" Spencer said. I should've known.

We walked through the entrance and into the piles and piles of garbage. There was a big group of people standing in the middle of it, most of them girls.

"Those are the hot chicks!" Spencer whispered. They are NOT my definition of cute. Most were wearing torn clothing and looked like they were drunk… wait. There's one who's looking the other way, she looks kind of cute. She had blonde, wavy hair and what seemed to be a nice body. However, when she turned back around and showed her face, that completely changed my mind.

"Uh, I just remembered that I need a tick bath… bye!" I ran out of there as fast as my legs could go.

I ran all the way to Bushwell Plaza for the second time that day, exhausted. As I walked into the lobby, I noticed that Lewburt still wasn't there. I walked past his desk and saw a note. "**I ain't here right now! Deal with it!**"

I made my way up to my apartment and tried to opened the door. However, it was locked.

Huh, that's strange; mom always leaves the door open when she's expecting me home so that I won't cut myself using a key…

I grabbed the emergency key from the top of the door frame and unlocked the door.

"Mom?" No response. "MOM?" Still nothing. Where is she?

I saw a note lying on top of the kitchen counter, written in mom's neat cursive. "**Freddie, I'll be out for a little while. I should be back by 10. There's some money in our secret drawer, you can use it to order a pizza if you like. Kisses! –Mommy"**

Where the heck did she go? She must be hiding something from me… all this strange behavior, making me unlock the door, letting me order pizza and leaving me home alone…

In fact it seems like everybody is acting weird! Carly, Sam, mom, even Lewburt for not being in the lobby to yell at people.

Spencer's gonna help me with Carly and Sam's strange behavior by looking at whatever they were hiding on the computer… but I don't completely trust him. Maybe I should go over there and see what's on there, afterall, I _am _a master at computers.

I went across the hall to Carly's apartment and put my ear up to the door. I heard Carly and Sam talking.

"Sam, just do it!" Carly told her.

"No! I can't!"

"Why not? You've done it before!" Carly protested.

"Yeah, but for a reason! It will seem to random if I just text him out of the blue!" Sam protested. Text WHO?

"Sam, it won't be a big deal at all! It'll get you guys talking more… maybe you could even tell him that you like him!" Him? Who are they talking about?

"Nooo Carly!" Sam whined.

I heard Carly's phone beep. "Oh, there's a new episode of Celebrities Underwater starting now!"

"Sweet, I heard that on tonight's episode they're drowning the guys from Big Time Rush!"

"Let's go watch it in the studio," I heard footsteps going up the stairs and knew that this was my chance.

I slowly opened up the door (I wonder why it wasn't locked?) and crept towards the computer.

I fiddled around with it before finding the history file for word documents.

**Recently Opened:**

_**Spencer's List of Junk for New Sculpture**_

_**Carly's History Essay**_

_**Carly and Sam's ideas for getting Freddie to Like Sam**_

WHAT?

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.

_One new text:_

_From: Sam_

_Hey… whats up?_

**A/N: Oooooo! ;)**

**By the way, I made a Twitter today (LovinSeddie) and I'll be posting updates about my stories there.. go to my profile for the link :)**

**Please review, I worked really hard on this *hint hint, wink wink***


	5. Mommy's Little Secret

**Yo yo yo! So sorry for not updating! **

**DISCLAIMER: Yadda yadda iCarly ain't mine.**

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**Chapter 5: Freddie's POV**

I let my PearPhone slip out of my hands. Am _I _the guy that Carly and Sam were talking about?

My heart felt like it was about to explode, that's how fast it was beating. I felt all these emotions at once: shock, confusion, and… giddy. How could Sam like _me, _her nerdy friend? She hates me!

Is it possible that I like her too?

I looked up at the computer screen and clicked on the document named _**Carly and Sam's ideas for getting Freddie to Like Sam. **_I had a feeling that I probably shouldn't be reading this, but my curious mind got the better of me.

**Idea #1: Sam act nicer towards Freddie. (X)**

**Idea #2: Take Freddie to mall with us to see Sam in girly stores. (X)**

**Idea #3: Talk to Freddie about sports. (X)**

**Idea #4: Text Freddie (?)**

Oh my God… I am one oblivious dude.

I picked up my phone from the ground and stared at the text. Should I reply back? I don't wanna be rude…

I sighed and pressed reply.

_To: Sam_

_Hey… nm. U?_

I hope that she doesn't realize that I know her secret, then I'd be a dead Freddie.

"I'm getting a soda, I'll be right back!" I heard Sam yell from the top of the loft stairs. Oh crap, she's coming downstairs!

I quickly exited out of the word document and ran behind Spencer's Bottle Bot.

I watched Sam come down the stairs from behind the sculpture. Her phone's ringtone went off and yelped. As she read the text, which was probably the one I sent her moments ago, she squealed.

"CARLY!" She yelled up the stairs. "HE TEXTED ME BACK!" I heard Carly scream from upstairs.

Sam grinned and ran to the computer, it looked like she was opening up the word document that I had just closed. She typed something in then went into the kitchen to grab her soda. As she went upstairs, she was oblivious to the fact that she left the word document open. Once the coast was clear, I tip-toed over to the computer to see what else she had typed in. She had put a check next to "Text Freddie" and added a new idea:

**Idea #5: Tell Freddie that Sam likes him. (?)**

My breathing grew rapid again. When is she gonna do that? What am I supposed to say back?

All this chiz is giving me a headache… I need a nap.

I walked back to my apartment and fumbled around my pockets for my key. Shoot… I can't find it! I must've left it inside! I kicked the door in frustration and went down the hallway towards the elevator. Now I'm gonna have to ask stupid Lewburt for a new one.

As the elevator made its way down to the ground floor, I tried to sort out my feelings for Sam. It's hard to believe that all this time that I thought that she hated me, she actually _liked _me. My mind just can't process this… and the fact that I've been trying to convince myself that I don't like her for years isn't helping.

When I finally reach the ground floor, I walk down the hallway to the lobby. I look up to see that Lewburt isn't there… again. Where the hell has he been lately?

I need a key and mom's not home, so I'll just have to wait for him. I slumped down on the couch and scuffed my feet on the floor.

All of a sudden I hear a noise come from Lewburt's office. I look up and see shadows through the window… maybe Lewburt's hiding out in there.

I get up and open the door. Whoa… the lights were dimmed and candles were lit everywhere. There was a table in the middle of the room and I could just make out two figures sitting there. I squinted my eyes, it looked like Lewburt and… MOM? ! WHAT THE FUCK?

They were eating fish meatloaf and making kissy faces at each other… holy shit… this CANNOT be happening…

I stumbled backwards and tripped over something behind me. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was "MY BABY!"

I woke up to find my forehead feeling cold. Groaning, I sat up and looked around. I was lying on the couch in the lobby for some reason… wait. I remember now, I saw mom and Lewburt on a… _date _*shudder* and I fell over something and blacked out. How wonderful.

Just then, mom ran out of the office with a wet wash cloth.

"You're up!" She exclaimed.

I gave her a weird look. "Care to explain to me why you were out with _Lewburt?_" I asked bitterly.

She sighed. "I'm sorry, Freddiebear. I didn't know how to tell you… I knew that you wouldn't react well. It just that Lewburt makes me so happy… I hope that you understand."

Mom looked really guilty. I feel bad about being angry, but something inside of me wants to make her feel even worse.

"Yeah, but you two broke up a long time ago! Remember when I fell down the stairs and he didn't care? You said that he was a nasty man! Besides, you two are total opposites, there's no way that you can date!" I yelled.

"Well, he has proven to me that he isn't a nasty man. When you passed out before, he was very concerned. We're both calmer people with each other… And you love science, you should know that opposites attract. Just because she aren't similar doesn't mean that we can't date."

I sighed. "Whatever, just please don't have your dates at our house… I don't think that I could handle it." I tell her.

She smiled and pulled me into a hug. While we were hugging, the door to the lobby opened. Lewburt walked in with a plastic bag.

He spotted us on the couch. "Oh good, you're up! I just bought some Abvil (**my parody of Advil xD**) in case your head hurt," He said.

"Thanks," I said uneasily, taking the medicine. It was just plain weird seeing this nice Lewburt.

Lewburt gave my mom a hug, and I saw the smiles on their faces. They were really happy together…

Mom turned to me. "Well, I'm going back up to the apartment. Why don't you and Lewburt hang out here and get to know each other," She smiled.

Aw, great. That's the last thing I wanna do.

Mom left the room and Lewburt awkwardly sat down next to me. "Um, so… what's up?" He asked.

"Uhhh, nothing… So how long was I knocked out for?"

"Only about ten minutes," He says.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I take it out and see that I have 1 new message from Sam. Oh chiz… I totally forgot about that! I groaned and put my hands on my face. I'm afraid to see what it says.

Lewburt notices. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing…" I automatically say.

He sighs. "Look, I know this must be weird for you, but we might as well get to know each other since your mom and I are dating…"

Well, maybe I should tell him. If he's such an expert at love, then maybe he can help me with this problem.

So I spent the next two minutes explaining how I wanted more guy friends, and how Sam was trying to get me to like her. Surprisingly, Lewburt listened the whole time.

"Well Freddie, I don't know if you have feelings for that blonde girl or not, but if you do, go for it. Trust me, you'll be glad you did. Open up that text and do what your gut tells you." He stood up. "Well, I'm gonna go take a nap." With that he went back into his office.

I opened up the text from Sam.

_To: Freddie_

_Same here. Do u wanna meet at Carly's tonite around 12? I have an awesome idea for Wake Up Spencer!_

I gulped. What if she wants me to meet her there so she can tell me that she likes me?

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I focused on my inner-self and tried to read what my gut was telling me.

And my gut spoke loud and clear. I know what I have to do…

**A/N: Did you guys know that Mrs. Benson and Lewburt were dating? Could you figure it out from the subtle hints? If so, then kudos to you xD**

**Oh, I just want to say thank you to everybody who reads my stories. I know that I've been bad at updating, but I looked at the traffic for my stories and I get about 300 hits a day, and that's without any new chapters! You guys are awesome *gives cookie***

**Review and tell me what you think! :D**


	6. Gibby Says: Get It In!

**Look how quickly I'm updating! :D Aren't you proud of me? **

**Thank you all for the nice reviews, they mean so much to me!**

**DISCLAIMER: You surely must be an idiot, for this is a mustache upon my lip, not a squirrel or iCarly.**

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**Chapter 6: Freddie's POV**

Usually a shower is the most calming thing in the world for me. Whenever I have a big test or a lot of homework I take a steaming hot shower to melt the stress away. It always works.

But this time it didn't.

I've been in here for at least half an hour and my mind is still buzzing. I also feel like a raisin.

The reason for my long shower is because of a certain blonde-headed demon who I thought hated me… and I thought I hated her back.

I took Lewburt's advice and looked deep into my soul and followed my gut. Who ever thought that I'd get love advice from him? Not me, that's for sure.

I don't know how I'm supposed to tell Sam that I like her… but at least I know that she likes me back. But I can't just say, "Hey Sam, I really like you and I know that you like me back cause I eavesdropped on your conversation with Carly and read your private word document."

Should I just wait for her to say it first? What if she doesn't even mention it? Maybe she really does just want to do Wake Up Spencer!

I decide to get out of the shower before my entire body becomes wrinkled like an old person. I open my closet and look into the sea of polo's and jeans. Should I dress fancier than usual? No, that might seem suspicious…

After pondering for another ten minutes, I finally chose a light blue polo and dark-washed jeans. Blue is my lucky color.

After brushing my hair I checked the time. It's only 10:30, so I still have some time to wait.

I walked over to my computer and signed in on Splashface chat. I scrolled through my friends list but didn't find anyone worth talking to.

Just as I was about to exit out of it, a chat bubble appeared on my screen.

_GibbyLovesLiquidSoap:__ Hey Freddie! How come u ran out of my house earlier today? R u okay?_

Oh great, it's… Gibby? Huh, I thought his screen name was 'ShirtlessAndWorkin'It'. He must've changed it.

Ah, what am I supposed to tell him?

_ComputersRLife:__ hi… yeah, I'm fine. I, uh, just felt sick. _

_GibbyLovesLiquidSoap:__ hmm, must've been the chocolate covered strawberries. Anyways, now that u feel better do u wanna come back over? We never got to play MarioKart, and I made sure that my grandpa isn't in my room this time!_

_ComputersRLife:__ uuhhh, thanks for the offer, but I already have plans tonite._

_GibbyLovesLiquidSoap__: ah, I see how it is… Freddie must have a date ;)_

_ComputersRLife__: sure, Gibby… something like that._

_GibbyLovesLiquidSoap__: who with? _

I paused. Should I tell him that I'm meeting Sam tonight? Well, it couldn't hurt. We are "bros" after all. Besides, talking to him over the computer is WAY better than being at his house.

_ComputersRLife__: me and Sam r doing an episode of Wake Up Spencer! at midnight._

_GibbyLovesLiquidSoap__: I always knew u guys would end up an item… I'll let u get ready for your "date" ;) GET IT INNNNNN!_

_GibbyLovesLiquidSoap has signed off._

Wait… he thought that we were gonna DO IT? Gibby's mind is screwed up.

I looked at my watch. It's only 11:00, so I still have some time to kill.

After updating all of my software's and charging my camera, it was finally 11:55. I'd usually be asleep by now, but the adrenaline rush is keeping me wide awake. Oh, and my nerves too.

I grabbed my camera (and the new key I got from Lewburt) and slowly crept out of my room and towards the door. I don't wanna wake mom up, even if she has calmed down.

Once I was safely in the hallway I opened the Shay's door. Sam was sprawled on the couch watching Celebrities Underwater.

"Hey," I said softly, my stomach flipping in knots.

She looked up, and I could she her eyes widen a little, as if she were nervous. "Hi…"

I came in and awkwardly sat next to her on the couch. "So, what was your idea for Wake Up Spencer!"

As she explained her idea to me, I laughed. "Hah, this'll be the best one yet!"

After that Sam appeared to return to her normal self. We gathered everything that we needed and I set the camera up on the coffee table.

"And… action!"

Sam and I walked over to the couch and sat down in front of the camera.

"Hello, people of the planet and beyond!" Sam whisper-yelled. Keep in mind that we had to be somewhat quiet during this, we couldn't risk waking Spencer up BEFORE the segment.

"Welcome to the next installment of: Wake Up Spencer!" I continued.

"Today we are going to use various items from the Shay's refrigerator to help us wake Spencer up," Sam says to the camera.

"Let's go!"

I pick up the camera and we walk towards Spencer's room.

"Show the viewers what time it is, Fredly." Sam whispers. I nod and turn the camera towards the clock, which read 12:11 A.M.

As we approach Spencer's bed, Sam opens up the bag filled of food from Carly's fridge and takes out a chicken leg.

"Ready?" She asks me. I nod.

She throws the chicken leg at Spencer's sleeping body. He grunts as the food smacks his stomach.

Then Sam takes out a banana and throws that. He stirs a bit, but doesn't wake up.

"We need something bigger…" Sam murmurs as she searches through the bag. "Aha…" She pulls out a full-sized ham and raises her eyebrows.

With all of her strength she throws the ham at Spencer, and he finally wakes up.

"W-whats… going on?" He asks lazily, barely awake.

"Spencer, you upset the food fairy!" I scold him.

"Yeah, now he's coming after you!" Sam snickers.

She continues to throw random food items at him. "Ah… ah… I-I'm sorry… ah… please leave me alone Mr. Potato…" He grunts.

Sam and I continue to quietly laugh. "SPENCER!" She yells.

"WHAT!" He shoots up, still half asleep.

"The pancake monster is here! You forgot to put butter and syrup on him, so now he's gonna attack you!" She tells him, trying to keep from laughing.

"You offended him!"

"Ah… I'm sorry… I uh… uh…" He starts to mumble incoherent words before slumping back into slumber.

Sam and I laugh one more time before leaving.

I turn the camera off and give her a high five. "That was awesome!" I declare.

She smiled and I saw a slight blush appear on her cheeks. "Yeah, we got him good! Wanna watch some Celebrities Underwater?"

"Sure…" Oh God, maybe she's gonna tell me now! I sat down on the couch and fiddled nervously with my hands.

Sam turned on the TV and sat down next to me… closer than usual. I continued to fiddle with my hands like an idiot.

"Hey Freddie, can I ask you something?" Sam questions.

Oh dear gosh… here it comes… "Uh, yeah, sure."

"Um, remember when I saw you in town earlier today, and you made a big point about going to a GUY FRIENDS house? What was that chiz all about?"

Wow, wasn't expecting that question. "Well, I was getting sick of all of you and Carly's 'girl talk' and going to Build-A-Bra and Gloss My Lips. I guess that I just wanted to prove to myself that I can be friends with guys and be manly or whatever…"

I was expecting her to make a crack about me being 'manly', but it never came."Oh," Sam mumbled. "Who did you hang out with then?"

I told her all about the disaster with Gibby, Germy, and Spencer, which made her laugh hysterically.

"Sorry you had to go through all that just cause me and Carls had so much girl talk," Sam says. Whoa, she just apologized!

"What were you guys talking about, anyway?" I asked, trying to pry the truth out of her. The suspense is killing me!

Sam opened her mouth to answer, then shut it. She sighed. "Do you _really _wanna know?"

"Well, yeah, but-" Before I could process what was going on, her lips were on mine. I sat there frozen in utter shock before it finally registered in my head. THIS was Sam's way of telling me that she likes me!

Just as I was about to kiss her back, she pulled away. Her face looked shocked at what she had just done. "Uh… sorry…" She started to jump off the couch but I grabbed her and pulled her back down.

"Who said I want you to stop?" I lightly touched her chin and leaned in. Neither of us pulled away this time.

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**A/N: So this was the last chapter :( But don't worry, there WILL be an epilogue! **

**This chappie was hard to write, so I hope it turned out okay. Oh, and when I 1st started writing this story I planned for Sam to kiss him like that, so I didn't copy iOMG(which was epic) :P **

*****Oh, and I have a fun little idea. In your review, leave a question for me. It can be about anything, I really don't care. I'll answer them in the next chapter. This way you guys can get to know your author better. So ASK AWAY! :)*****


	7. Epilogue

**Hey everybody! **

**Welcome to the epilogue. Read at your own risk.**

**DISCLAIMER: Would I even need this if I owned iCarly?**

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**Chapter 7: Freddie's POV**

"Sam, are you sure about this?" I asked my girlfriend nervously.

"C'mon, Fredbag, don't be such a pansy! This'll be fun!"

"Fine… I better not get in trouble for this."

Tonight is the Spring Fling Dance at school. I know what your thinking. 'So are you and Sam going together? Aw, that's so cute!' Not exactly.

Sam doesn't want to go to the dance. I asked her, I even gave her flowers and everything, but she said no.

Yup, my girlfriend rejected me. Strange, isn't it? Sam had better plans for the night of the dance. We would be there, alright. But not dancing.

Sam had this "great idea" to throw water balloons at people coming into the dance from the roof of our school. This is why I'm nervous. What if we get caught?

It was 30 minutes until the dance started, and Sam and I were loading water balloons into our backpacks.

She was giddy with excitement. "This is gonna be the best prank of all time!" She squeaked.

I had to smile at her. She loves this kind of stuff.

As we approached Ridgeway, we were at least ten minutes ahead of the dance-goers. Sam picked the lock of the front door and we snuck inside.

All that I kept thinking was 'What if we get caught? This will ruin my perfect record!'

We went to the closet that held the door to the roof, but it was locked.

"Damn!" Sam mumbled.

"Whoops, guess we can't do it. Oh well. Let's go!"

Sam gave me a look. "No, I have the janitor's keys. I stole them at lunch. I said 'damn' cause I don't feel like taking them out. Chill, nobody's gonna catch us."

She unlocked the door and we made our way up the stairs.

"Wow," I said once we reach the top. It was almost 8:00 and it was not quite completely dark out. I looked over the side, we were pretty high up.

Sam stood next to me and unzipped her backpack. "Is anyone here yet?" She asked.

I peeked over the edge again. "Yeah, Besty Jones is coming around the corner." I informed. Besty is the school president and the leader of nearly every club and committee. It only made sense for her to show up first… without a date.

Sam shoved me out of the way and waited until just the right moment, then dropped the balloon. After a second you could hear a shriek, then some crying, then some screaming, then some high heels running. Sam started cracking up.

"That was awesome!" She cried. She peered over the edge. "Someone else is coming! You try this one!"

"What? No! I don't want to be involved in this!" I yelled. Sam stopped and stared at me. Not a puppy-dog stare, just a stare. "Ugh fine, I'll do it. Balloon me." She cheered and handed me a water balloon.

We looked over the ledge and when the time was right, I dropped the balloon. Splat! I felt a rush of excitement course through my veins and I started laughing uncontrollablely. This was actually fun!

Sam patted me on the back. "That's my boy!"

Pretty soon a bunch of people started showing up, and me and Sam had a blast pelting them with water balloons. When Carly showed up with her date, we decided not to hit them. That wouldn't be nice.

Carly was morbid when she found out that me and Sam weren't going to the dance together. We just lied and said that Sam was sick, so I stayed home to take care of her. If she knew what we were doing she would've killed us!

After awhile everybody had arrived, and people were starting to bring umbrellas and towels. I made Sam lock the door so that nobody could find us.

We sat there for a little while laughing over everything that had just happened. I have to say, it was a lot of fun.

I could hear the music pulsing in the gym, where the dance we being held, beneath us. It sounded like a mixture of Lady GaGa and Katy Perry.

All of a sudden the music changed to something slower, and the thumping of feet stopped.

"Sam, are you sad that we didn't go to the dance?" I asked her.

"Not really… I had a lot of fun doing this."

I smiled. "Me too. But that doesn't mean that we can't dance…" I stood up from my spot on the floor and walked over to her. "How would you like to dance with me?"

"Well… I guess it could hurt." She said it like she didn't care, but I could see the smile tugging at her lips.

I rested my hands on her waist and she wrapped her arms around my neck. We started swaying to the faint sound of the music coming from below.

"Thanks for doing this with me, Freddie." Sam said.

"I actually enjoyed it. Who ever thought that I could be a rebel?" I laughed.

"Well, if your dating me then you must have a little in you," She replied wittily.

I leaned in and kissed her slowly, remembering the first time when she first kissed me…

_Flashback:_

_As Sam and I sat there kissing, Spencer walked in._

_He looked up and saw us making out on his couch. "OOOHHHH MY GAWWWWDDDD!" He cried, snapping out of his half-awake state._

_Sam and I broke apart and looked guilty. Carly came running down the stairs. "What's on fire?" She yelled._

_Spencer just stood there opening and closing his mouth. "Wha… Sam and Freddie… kissing…? WHAT!" _

_Carly turned to us in shock. "You guys kissed? !" She squealed._

_We nodded in embarrassment. Carly ran over and gave us a hug. "YES!" _

_End Flashback_

Sam snapped me out of my thoughts. "You know, Benson, you're like the girl in this relationship." She teased.

"Yeah, and that would make you the guy." I laughed.

But it's true. Just yesterday she tried to teach me how to play football, but I ended up on the ground with the football in my groin. It was very painful.

This whole time I've wanted a guy friend, but Sam is like my tomboy girlfriend. We do guy stuff, like play football and pull pranks, but we also slow dance and kiss. It's a two-in-one package!

Who needs someone like Gibby or Germy when you have the perfect person right in front of you?

Screw guy friends. All I need is the perfect girlfriend, and she's resting her head on my shoulder.

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**A/N: I hope that was satisfying… was it too cheesy to make them slow dance? :/**

**Review and tell me what you think-it's the last chance that you'll get to!**

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**Now, here are the answers to the questions that you guys sent m in your reviews and PM's. :)**

_If a cucumber and salt water got married and had a baby, what would the baby be?_

Um, a sea cucumber? Haha that's really random.

_Do you like Mexican food?_

Yes, I LOVE Mexican food! Especially tacos! :D

_What inspires your stories?_

I honestly don't know… I kind of just think them up at random points, then write it down before I forget. :P

_What's your favorite episode of iCarly?_

iOMG of course! But before that it was either iFind Lewburt's Lost Love or iQuit iCarly.

_Do you have any pets?_

Yes, I have a kitty cat :)

_Do you have a boyfriend?_

That's really random… but no, I don't.

_When did you start to like Seddie?_

A little over a year ago… before that I didn't really know about Seddie and Creddie haha.

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**That's it, folks! See you at my next story-which I'm about to start writing. It's gonna be hilarious! :)**


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